8oz Double Shot Americano & A Sesame Seed Bagel

                 Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Feel the air expand your lungs. Hold it. Keep holding it. Don't let it out yet. Okay okay, let it out. Listen to the sounds around you. Truly try your best to listen to every sound you hear and make note of each one. The person in the corner talking too loudly into his bluetooth set. The dinging of the door chime as people walk in looking for coffee. The opening and closing of refrigerator doors mixing with the screeching of the steam wands. A couple sit at the bar and discuss spare time while waiting for a play. Cars driving, horns honking, kids giggling, birds chirping, lighters clicking, staples snapping, printers groaning, coffee grinding, radio blasting, wood turning, ovenscookingbeansroastingkladkppewhpekgwejpfkf.

Now cut it out. All at once or one at a time. Cut every sound out. Once you identify it, let it go. 

Follow your rhythmic breathing to keep yourself on course. Once you've emptied your mind of distractions, what do you want to accomplish today? Let it form a light in your head. Let it build till it's too bright. Consuming your vision until you finally open your eyes. Now go about your day with that one accomplishment engraved in your head. I promise you will find a way to complete it. 

Good luck, fam!  

Bryson Brew Coffee & Brown Cinnamon Sugar Poptarts

If I painted a picture of this scene, that painting would not be able to demonstrate all the words that are being spoken to me. There are hues of blue that only Mother Nature can orchestrate across the Great Smoky Mountains. The economic fluidity in nature around me whisper secrets of their morning deliveries. A squirrel tries to remember where it buried its last batch of acorns while birds practice their arial acrobatics. The mountain does not sleep in. Gusts of wind interject themselves disrupting my consistency of warmth; I’m prevented from the gradual fade into slumber by the Sun’s Lullaby. Not all at once, and almost imperceptibly, I was cloaked in the Mountain’s Life-force. All of my surroundings fit as one in constant motion; I was grateful, as a visitor, to be allowed to experience such a personal and magical foresight into something so natural and instinctual. 

*poot* 

“SAFETY!” is shouted behind me and just like the snap of a finger, or poot from a butt, the story is over. 

Stone Saison & Dunkin Doughnuts

There are cardboard boxes all around me. Blue painters tape still wads up in scattered places around the view. FIFA sound effects layer the surrounding walls in what one could mistaken for paintings. Clicking creates a drum beat for my mind, bouncing rhythms off my temples. There is a mirror reflecting a chaotic living room with only the slightest design for organization. There are bags full of clothes. Empty beer bottles decorate the remaining surfaces. This is my new home. This is where the heart is. More importantly, this is where magic will happen...in the terms of work. ha!

It’s been a hectic experience having to wait such an amount of time to move into a new home. After two weeks, however, we finally got the get into the new digs. As usual, hardly anything is perfectly planned out and placed but it feels so good to be in a space that is entirely your own. 

I would love to give a very warm thank you to friends and family that housed me while I was waiting. 

An especially special thank you to Brad and Jacki Mallett for keeping me for the longest period and not only allowing me to rest my head under a roof but also making me feel more like family. It is wonderful to be so easily accepted into someone else’s household. 

Alas, I am finally able to start working well in my own space again! Once we finish putting it all together I shall post pictures. I’ve got some tasty treats up my sleeves for this year so everyone hold onto your pantaloons. 

PS: Stay tuned for the finale of the Toast Me Trilogy! Filming this weekend.

Green Tea & A Hunger For Blueberry Waffles

February 20, 2016

               The sunlight dissolves into the room. Some blankets are being tossed about. There are footsteps heading towards the kitchen. Faintly, you can hear the ticking of the stove coming to life, excited to share its dreams with the world. Thirty-two...ish ounces of water get poured into a pot; set to boil. Thousands of fibers get scattered into the atmosphere as tea packets get ripped open and plopped into a jar. Tsssssssssssss! Water's done. The footsteps create a beat to which the old house shakes its moaning body. The creaking of a chair joins in to finish off the symphony of the journey back.

Green tea touches my tongue at just the right temperature that I smile and give myself a tiny pat on the back for the execution. I've been trying to figure out if I am allergic to this house or if there is something outside that effects me only when I'm here. As I sit and sip my tea, and periodically dream about waffles, I began examining my life and the ins and outs from the past few months that I have not stepped aside to examine. I spent a good deal of time reliving those good moments and cracking up at the funny memories. There are plenty of things I would like to have done differently, of course, but that's just the way of life. It was odd looking back when it had been such an amount of time, almost like it was catching up on a tv show that you only caught bits and pieces to. And so a certain phrase popped into my head, "Life is constantly moving forward." I never put a deeper thought into it because I simply took it at face value, but this morning I got a sense of warmth from it. Thinking back to the times the stress took over and I did not know how certain things would get fixed, they all ended up just fine. In fact, in some cases I hadn't even noticed it got better because life had happened so much that it faded away. My point is, if something is weighing you down and causing so much stress that the world will fall apart around your feet...well, it won't. Life will continue on and things will go in whatever direction they go in. At some point, that becomes reassuring.

Theraflu Tea & Toast With Jam

January 28, 2016

            The month of January is almost over; if you turn around quick enough you may catch a lingering glimpse of these past weeks. It's been a productive time thus far. I have so many ideas for this year that there's no time to waste on lollygagging about town. A hermit I am becoming for the betterment of my future; I won't feel bad this year for not spending time with people. (The introvert in me is dancing with joy) There are days I look in the mirror and I notice grey hairs and lines on my face and while my physical aging doesn't concern me, the fact that I am not where I want to be yet does. I didn't expect to have all my shit together by this age and to be frank, I didn't really have any expectations of life this far. It seemed too distant to plan out. I wasn't that kid with a hardcore plan growing up so I never bothered worrying about it. I look back at it and shrug because all my choices led me to this exact spot. This gray 1970's swivel chair in the corner of this entirely too expensive 1927 house that is falling apart around my ankles. It's been an interesting ride here, but that's exactly what it was, a ride. There were times the ride hit a hole in the road and threw everything in the air with chaotic energy. I gained some scars and stories and advice from this ride but I didn't drive at all. It's time to get behind the wheel and go where I want to go and not sit back and ride along.

It's not too late or too early to start driving your own life, fam. Just get up & go.

Methodical Americano & An Egg Sandwich

January 17, 2016

            It's been a little while since I've posted so thank you for your patience. December is a crazy busy month, not only at my job, but also for designing and artwork. Very soon my days were spent working on making the cut until  christmas, just begging for that familiar feeling of breathing. Alas, the holiday came and went and then so followed New Years. After that the little kids went back to school and the college kids went back to their dorms. Normal life fell back into its monotonous hum of death. That is not to say that I haven't been producing; rest assured that I will never stop creating, no matter how busy.  On New Year's Day, we released a short horror film that we filmed in the beginning of December. It was filmed in a day and went completely off script but it came out so perfectly that we decided to make it a monthly thing. Stay tuned for the next episode of that. After the passing of Bowie I felt the desire to create a print to describe the inspiration he provided for me. That print is now available in my store. He was a great man with a genius mind and may he rest in peace. 

Im currently riding in the car back from a camping trip while Outkast takes us on a different journey altogether and being massaged by the road's conversation with the car. What's better than getting the chance to walk away and clear out your headspace via getting close and dirty with the sexy Mother Nature? That's exactly how it all works for me. I'm coming back with a wonderful distant look at my life and I'm seeing how good things are. What a great motivator to continue to push myself and strive for even better work and production! Thank you to everyone who supports me, it allows me to do what I love every day. 

Orange Juice & Bojangles Cajun Filet Biscuit

December 20, 2015

                 It's approximately 10:20 on a crisp morning in the Not-So-Small-Anymore town of Summerville, South Carolina where I am resting my cold bones by a fire. Richard is meditating in front of the flames. The chemical and physical reactions in our fireplace are the only sounds echoing through the house; this firewood, our only companion, providing us with rhythmic melodies as we adjust to the awakened life. Empty bottles and glasses decorate our tables and floors like a mine field with a precision one could only describe as "drunkenly scattered". There's a few rays of sunlight peeking through the blinds bringing with them the promise of a sunny day.

My brother is still sitting in front of the fireplace. He has not moved for ten minutes. I look around my 15x20 square foot living room; this is my reality. This is my universe. I slightly change my focus and view the scenery as a whole, trying to get all the pieces for my perception. I am grateful for the signs of life throughout my universe. Grateful that people came to my home and lived. I think about how we provided a service, albeit subtly, kind of like vacation where someone leaves behind their own universe to experience yours. They set aside their anchors for a night of living. Whatever worldly forces that weigh them down, cast aside, they are sponges anxiously awaiting to be saturated with life. 

I am grateful to be able to provide others with life. If only for a night. 

Coughie & Huhneigh Bon

December 7, 20-15

                    I had the pleasure of being offered the opportunity of traveling to the Smoky Mountains in North Carolina with the company of my closest brothers. Instantly my fingers started tingling from excitement, The itch to get my hands on a new photo adventure was overloading inside me. After, what seemed like forever, I finally got home and immediately started stacking up the gear I would be taking. All the necessities I might add: whiskey, journal, some cigs, camera, and a beanie. I was ready. 

My buddy zoomed in and we jumped straight into packing and hitting the road. The first part of the trip was pretty standard, jammin to whatever song popped up on the radio, while smoking and enjoying the breeze. After a short period we hit up Chapin to meet the next brother to finish the rest of the drive. With the rest of us finally together, the energy was restored and I felt like a little kid on they way to the family winter vacation. After making a quick and goofy stop to collect supplies for the night, we finally rolled up on our camping spot. 

First off, it was 11pm and about 25 degrees outside. However this isn't the first rodeo we've been on and preparing for this situation was another walk in the park. By no time at all we were sitting by a fire beginning to de-thaw our toes with drinks in our hand ready to calm down after the drive. Much to our disappointment the tent was frozen over and we had a bigger battle at hand: staying warm. The night may have seemed worse in the situation but there have been worse sleeping arrangements. The next day involved a plethora of photos which are in photo gallery under the "Photography" page and then go to "Smokey The Bear". However, the biggest disappointment to me was finding out I accidentally left my Canon 60D in the truck that I rode in, which happened to be over 3 hours away. It was just me and my trusty iPhone 6s at this point. 

Following the mountains we made a stop into Asheville to grab some coffee and finish off with a beer before hitting the road yet again. All in all the weekend was a huge success and despite the cold attack on my body, it was a perfect escape. It would be very therapeutic to camp more often! 

Hope everyone else had such a great weekend as well! 

Some Agua & A Peanut Butter Toast Sandwich

December 2, 2015

           As we get closer to the end of the year I'm reminded of how stressful it can all be for some people. Many people, including me, will look back over everything they've done with the year and start to break down all the time wasted and lack of progress. But I would like to say that it shouldn't be the amount of progress that be valued but progress in a whole. Whether you made a few steps forward, it's progress, whether you managed to stay the same level, that is progress because life will throw curveballs to knock you down, or wether you fell a few times but you're on your way back to health, that's progress too; just never stay down. 

Just try one more time. 

I hope there are many more people that look back over their year with happiness and I hope it's been a blessing to have such a good year. Everyone deserves a year like that. 

So I would like to wish everyone a wonderful holiday season! I will certainly be enjoying the colder weather! 

OJ & A Bowl Of Cinnamon Toast Crunch- Sans Milk

November 24, 2015

             Honestly, I'm sure if that quote is entirely from him but the general consensus says it is, plus I feel weird quoting a fictional character, should I credit the character or the writer? I don't know who the writer is obviously, so character is. Lastly, I don't fully like this quote because I feel there are plenty of situations where this doesn't apply, however, I can definitely say it is a true quote. 

There's always that moment in your life where you sit down and can observe your surroundings and take it all in. Two things will happen, either you'll smile because things are good and you're happy/ good things are on the way OR you sit back and have one of those "fading smiles" where things aren't terrible but you can see your life spiraling in the wrong direction. (a very generalized two options) Some people may have that moment every night, and some may catch it every now and then, whatever the case I suggest really diving into that moment. It'll allow you to collect and organize all the pieces and either you'll be able to prepare better for whatever may be coming or you'll be able to truly appreciate the happiness you have. 

For me, I have those moments about once a week, maybe more. But I never laid out the entire picture. I would sit back and examine a certain situation and apply the way I felt to the entire picture, which is pretty ignorant. Easy to do, but dumb to do.  Sometimes the entire picture changes the way the your focal point looks. Sometimes the entire picture rounds out the harsh situation allowing you to handle it with better care that will not be a detriment to your life. If someone is attacking you and you are trying to handle it but can't figure out how, step back and look at the whole picture. Maybe something happened to them long ago and it's affected their life in a way leading up the anger, maybe they see a happiness and don't think you deserve it, maybe they're jealous of whatever you're doing with your life, or maybe you actually did something wrong at a time towards them. There are many different view points to check out; so if someone is attacking you, just try to look at it from a different perspective instead of fighting fire with fire. Just make you sure you continue moving, don't stop going forward, fam.  

Jameson Whiskey With Coke & Stone Milled Grits

November 14, 2015

           It happened to be my birthday on the 11th. So I would like to say thanks to everyone that already knew and said "Happy Birthday"! I had a great day and night out so it was definitely a success. I finally got around to uploading the rest of the Inktober drawings, so you will be able to find those on the "Inktober" page. I'm working on a few new ideas and I'm really trying to focus on them so I follow through and finish them. So if you want to send me motivational emails to let me know I should get off my ass and work on those puppies, then that would be fantastic. 

Looks like the sickness is going around in my town and maybe yours too. Looks like it is the season for that. Try and stay healthy everyone. Wash them hands and wipe them noses! 

I've decided to film a little video at the end of November. So mid December I'll be releasing that to the public. Stay tuned for that beauty because it'll crack you up.  Lots of cool things in the works! Thanks to everyone that supports whatever it is I'm up to, you people kick ass! 

-C

Colombian Coffee & A Hunger For A Bagel

October 19, 2015

           How many hours have you wasted just talking? How many thoughts have you put together, carefully planned out, scripted and repeated to yourself, and ended up just talking about them? How many lives have you shared your thoughts with but with no back up? Stringing tales of "what-ifs" and " one days" and "I want to's"? The moment those words come out of your mouth they are as transparent as your ability to act upon them. Do not folly around with make belief visions of your life because they will continue to be make believe. 

ACT! GO OUT AND FUCKING ACT ON THEM! 

"JUST DO IT!" - Shia LaBeouf 

Here's a man that has probably heard so many things about people's ideas and sat back and watched them never do anything about it. There's such a plethora of people that do that in this world. Frustration from hearing it happen over and over and over and over will get to a person. 

There's momentum behind someone who is constantly moving and wanting to do more. It is easier to stay off your butt and continue to act rather than sitting around trying to muster the energy to get up and do it. How ironic is it that dreams will be shared with full ability to do them, yet the speaker will choose to stay stationary and continue to talk. If someone wants to get up and go out and climb a mountain or go see the sunrise or become a photographer or roast coffee beans, then they merely must put one foot in front of the other and keep doing it until, "Oh hey! Look!," they've done it! 

• Want to climb a mountain? Find the closest one and search for a beginner's start and drive there. Even if they cannot complete their goal, they at least got up and did it. They've already gained an immeasurable advantage from beginning the momentum. Next time it'll be easier to get up and easier to climb and easier to know how to plan. You have to start somewhere.
• Want to become a photographer? Don't have money for a nice camera? Good. Don't waste money on a decent camera in the beginning; especially not with the modern camera on a smart phone these days. Learn, from the internet, how to frame out shots and then go out and take a picture of something. Literally anything! Walk around a house, or a city, or a back yard, or go with something wanting to hike a mountain. Take thousands of pictures in the beginning. Keep narrowing down the photos until a certain style is established. Next time it'll be easier to look for that picture you want. Easier to know how to get it. And then the skill set has motion and the path has been opened. You have to start somewhere.
• Want to roast coffee beans? Have a pot? Have a lid? Have the internet? Go to your local coffee roaster and buy some green coffee beans, or order them from a local coffee shop somewhere. Right down the steps needed in roasting the first batch. Then keep failing until you get it. Nothing is ever easy in the beginning but it is the beginning that makes things easy. Someone is never worse than the last time they did something if you keep up with it. It's a constant growing cycle of learning. You have to start somewhere. 

Moral of the story is: STOP TALKING ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND JUST FUCKING DO IT. 

Side note: If you're living with a mental disability it will be harder for this to be an accomplishment. Focus on very small steps and cherish every one you achieve. Do not beat yourself up for your pace on something. People move in different speeds. The act of moving is what is important, not the speed. Trying new things can be very high anxiety and stress inducing but the reward is astronomical, I promise. Small steps and determination will lead you there. Believe in yourself. You can do it. 

Smart Water & A Granola Bar

October 17, 2015

              I recently had the pleasure of shooting a buddy of mine and we started a little project from it but along the way we also did some fun modeling pictures. The dude poses well and is down for whatever I see in my head. So far it was real fun and I can't wait to show everyone the final goal of the shots. For the time being enjoy the ones under his name in the "clients" portion of the photography page. 

I hope everyone has a good weekend and gets into some mischief! 

Plain Water & Two Ball Park Hotdogs

October 15, 2015

        The other day I was talking to my homie, Richard Mallett ( @richardmallett on instagram: peak at him) and I asked him what he would like to be doing in the future for a living. Ideal situation, of course. Which led us to the discussion on the topic and ultimately it opened my eyes to the fact that I want to be doing everything I'm already doing but with a higher success rate. That was kind of a weird thought, usually people are daydreaming of the best case scenario for their lives and it rarely involves something they're already doing. 

I'm, literally, doing everything I want to do for my future right now. It became one of those moments where you can actually see progress from the work you've been doing.

AND HOLY HELL WAS THAT A GREAT FEELING!

Too many times do I sit around not seeing any progress or movement towards my future, bumming me out pretty hardcore. (Which people who keep up with these will know). The whole time there's this piece of relieving candy sitting right in front of my face and I couldn't bother to see it. 

I'm not sure who said it so I didn't put it as the quote but it goes something like this, "Every decision you make should be moving you towards your goal, so chose accordingly." It takes constant work to continue making the choices pushing your career further; the "courage to continue" is what it comes down to. If you have times, like I do, where you curse your steps and the distance you've come, try answering the question I asked Richard and make life decisions to turn your life towards that goal. I know you can do it. If one person can, than so can you. Your path may be rougher and longer and harder to travel but it's something you can do. Take joy in little wins and keep the courage to continue pushing forward. 

Cold Kenyan Coffee & Vulnerability

October 12, 2015

             I had one of those moments again this morning. I've had one of those moments too many times this month already. I don't know what that means but I'm trying to figure it out. I spend silent seconds of my day lost in thought. Face fixed. Body stuck. Mind racing. I know people can see it on me. A lost person staring at their hands like the answers are written in the cracks. I hear my name and snap out of it with a smile on my face. In that moment that smile is genuine, I'm grateful for being brought back. 

Sometimes I catch myself just staring at how the light hits my boots while they lie tossed on the floor haphazardly. The dust particles dancing around them to beat only they can hear. How did I get here? I turn around and I don't know where I'm headed. 

I woke up yesterday and ripped my artwork off the walls. I couldn't look at the flaws anymore. It didn't inspire me to do better. It didn't remind me from where I came and where I could go. It was a flaw and that's all I saw. Now all I see is a bare space on my walls and I don't know if that's better. I still see the flaws. 

I got too drunk the other night. My tongue decided to take over and lead the rest of my thoughts. I spoke too honestly. Too drunkenly. Too exposed. She was too nice. She didn't tell me to stop talking. She didn't laugh at my remarks. She recognized my state and comforted me. Yet, when the morning sunlight hit my face, much like it hits my boots, I felt more scared than before. Without even looking, without even trying, without even realizing, I can feel the walls growing back. Your face is fading in the distance while I shout, thank you. 

Last night I sat around a fire with friends. Beer in our hands, cigarettes in between our fingers, phones actively being used, all of them extensions of ourselves. I zoned out. Mid text. Mid sip. Mid puff. I was gone. I had one of the moments like I do when I wake up. I had one of those moments where I hate where I am and who I am and what I am. All that surged into my veins. Pumping hot lava in every millimeter of my being. In that moment, I saw myself crack. I saw myself screaming, clawing, breaking. Muscles tense. Jaw clenches. Eyes close.   SNAP    I take a sip. a puff. a snapchat. i move about my life bc i am momentum. 

I tell you these things not because I want your attention or reassurance that "i'll figure it out. don't stress it." I appreciate your words but when you tell me that, i want to tell you to shove those words down your own throat and recognize i'm not asking for sympathy. I write these things to show who I am. Make no mistake, I don't have my shit together, and I want to be real with everyone. I am me and I do not hide it. I am struggling but I am moving. Some days are shit. Some days are gold. I am the sum of all my days. 

hello.

Peruvian Coffee & Hand Rolled Light Blue Natural American Spirit Cigarette

September 21, 2015

                 Let's start this blog post out with complete honesty. Sounds like a fairly good idea right? You wouldn't want to read this knowing I've been lying to you; who would do such a thing? Alright here it goes...I'm forcing myself to write a blog post because I haven't in a while even though I don't have the slightest idea where this will end up. So if you're interested in a "wingin it" kind of read today then let's go on a journey together. 

The quote up top is just a random one that I found while browsing and I particularly like this for several reasons. 1: I find humor to be one of the greatest attributes in humans. It's easily communicable and something that every person can join. 2: Humor can change practically any situation into something lighter and more enjoyable. 3: Gandhi said this. And this is albeit a light hearted quote, it's also dark as hell. And it's rather interesting to read this quote and apply it to Gandhi. Kudos to that man for being so damn well rounded. 

Alright, as I've written the top part I think I have a direction for this post. A situation can quickly change you, but you can also change the situation. It isn't an easy thing to do and it probably won't happen immediately. It's a practice that takes time and determination to stick with but it'll greatly improve the way you look at life. Suppose you are downtown having a great night and you end up spending way too much money because your dumbass gets too drunk and can no longer prevent yourself from spending. Normally, by the next morning while you deal with the unholy hangover, you also begin to regret the money spent. For most people who make very little money, this can add a lot of stress to your life.

A simple rework of how you look at the situation drastically changes it. First off, you're human and you need to go too far sometimes and spend way too much money, it's important to live. Don't just survive, live. Secondly, that goodbye kiss was probably worth all the money spent anyways, and let me tell you, it was. But also look at the memories you created while stumbling around. You provided entertainment for everyone around while still having a good time. There is no price for wonderful memories. They keep you sane when times are bleakest. 

Just a simple example. That might or might not have happened to me...saturday night...

SO WHEN PRESENTED WITH A SITUATION WHERE IT LEAVES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE OR STRESSED, DO YOUR BEST TO LOOK AT IT DIFFERENTLY TO PROVIDE YOU WITH PEACE! THE GREATEST OBSTACLE IN YOUR LIFE IS YOU! REMEMBER THAT! 

Small Batch Test Roasted Mexican Coffee & Not Yet Released Little Debbie Muffin

September 3, 2015

            Been gone form here for a little bit and that kinda blows but hey, I've been doing some things are I guess it all worked out. Amongst writing a butt loads and working a butt loads and trying to just live a butt loads, I got the opportunity to set up an art booth at a fundraiser event. So naturally I agreed and quickly realized I didn't have much in terms of something to deliver to the people. 

The next few weeks I spent my time working on pieces to be ready. Some were rushed but all came from a new spot. These pieces feel like home to me. They came straight out of new territory and I'm ridiculously excited to see where this path will take me.  They have been added to the "Illustrations" page on the website. The watermark is butts but it's a necessary evil. These are for sale so if you're interested please email me and we can work out purchasing and shipping! There are black and white prints available for every one as well. Sizes go from 11x17-24x36. 

I hope everyone enjoys them and stay tuned for new stuff!

PBR & Pizza

July 26, 2015

                Sometimes I catch myself after a couple of days, or even a couple of weeks, being stuck in a certain groove of life that isn't conducive to my future. It is sometimes referred to as "living life" or "enjoying the moment" but in my eyes, it's a distraction. When no progress is being made then it's clear that I'm backtracking. It's easy to get caught in a lull of quick rewards, but aren't long term rewards more beneficial to your life? Yeah, living each day with no responsibilities sounds perfect but it's not for everybody. 

Having responsibilities helps a person to grow. Whether you bestow it upon yourself or someone else does, it's recognizing your potential and then meeting it. You could view the process as "baby steps". Each time you finish a responsibility, it adds more to you being a better version of yourself. Gradually, you grow. 

I have responsibilities that I have given myself and it's just as frustrating when I fail. I've made it a task to write more often, to keep these blogs updated yet it's been 12 days since I last wrote. I haven't posted a video or done a photoshoot in a long time as well. There is little benefit from dwelling on these short comings, though. The best way to view them is as a fault and fix it.

I've been making all the wrong choices lately. I've been getting sucked into daily life. I've been turning away from my responsibilities and not being who I say I am. I could blame it on my age and say I'm just enjoying my youth but that's total bullshit because on the back of my mind, I know I've chosen poorly. I know I'm slipping yet I continue to slip. It would be easy to blame it on social situations and say that my friends would give me a hard time if I didn't chill with them. But that too is total bullshit because I know better. I know what I should be doing and I know where my time should be spent. I cannot blame my friends on my own poor choices.  

It's important, however, for me to step away (like sneaking away from my friends and hiding on the roof to write this blog post) and focus on my work and not get couch-locked for a week. I have responsibilities that must be met and I cannot afford to spend that time on youthful desires. The time is now and I have to get to work. Hopefully some people will be able to relate to this and hopefully it'll help in a way. 

Dr. Pepper & Kit Kat Bars

July 13, 2015

                       The other night I finally sat down to bust out a poster for a fundraiser. I promised the guy that I would have it done by the weekend but as most of you know, the weekend has a way of keeping you away from your duties. So as you may suspect, Sunday night I sat down to finish it. Start it...then finish it, to be honest. 

I know I know, not very responsible or professional of me but it was for a friend and sometimes my humanity overrides my professionalism. As it turns out, I spent the entire night working on this poster and normally when I do graphic design work it's all tedious and not really something to lose yourself in. It can be fun but for me, it's generally not. This poster, however, just burst out of me and I lost myself in the works of it all. I was blasting music and getting so absorbed into my work that I didn't realize it was 3am by the time I finished. The final product came out so well and it's something I'm proud to put my name on. 

The point of this blog post is to say that it would have been too easy to text my friend some excuse of why I didn't have it done and just do it the next day; but instead, I worked through the night and it actually was extremely beneficial and fun. In times when quitting is too appealing, try your best to fight through and finish the work. You'll be more pleased if you do and that 30 min power nap you get to take before heading out for the day will be the greatest victory nap of your life!

El Porvenir. Nicaragua. Drip Coffee. & Veggie Omelette

July 9, 2015

                  To all my friends going through tribulations at the moment, and all the people that may stumble across this that are also going through trials, let this be a PSA to  stay strong and know that you are not alone. These words may be cliche but the truth behind them is not. This will not be the end of you, there will be more layers of you shed but you will still remain.

I have crazy anxieties and I've hit trials that have knocked me on my ass for many months and I felt so alone for so long. I downplayed every issue I had and wouldn't talk to anyone because I couldn't stand the thought of burdening any of my friends. None of my problems seemed valid enough to bring up and because of that they ate me inside out. It changed who I was and how I saw things. After a long period, things subtly started to change and I was slowly being drug out of the darkness and I've been able to look back at that time. I wish that I had been able to talk to someone and I know there were plenty of people that I could have approached. I was too afraid to bring it up. Getting the courage to talk to someone doesn't make the trial go away faster but it will help you fight through it. There will be different ways through each tribulation and I can't specifically talk about each one but having a hand to hold and a shoulder to lean on will make a dramatic difference. Believe me. 

This thing will not destroy you. I promise you. Look at how old you are, look at how many terrible things have hit you, look how you've hit back, look how you're STILL here, all those trials haven't taken you out yet, and I guarantee you, this one won't either. Sometimes life happens and because of that certain situations follow no matter what you do, you can't avoid everything. So take a deep breath, bounce up and down, throw a few punches, get the blood pumping, burst through those doors ready to knock life down. You've done it before, you can do it again and there is always help if it's a two person battle or a three person battle or an entire squad battle. Ask for the help you secretly want. 

If you're reading this then let me tell you that I love you.