Coffee & Dreams

I usually title my blog posts with a drink and a food I'm enjoying as I write this, but today I'm drinking Papua New Guinea roasted to full city plus without food!

I woke up this morning munching on dreams of the future. I spend a decent amount of time "daydreaming" as most people call it but I like to think of it more as, "planning my future." Have you ever seen someone's life and instantly thought, "Oh that would be cool to happen to me."... but really, if you broke it down, it's not really what you'd want? Let's say that's what I do most, I try and visually see if an idea is worth working towards. Instead of a Walter Mitty Style, where he daydreamed adventurous life but only turned around to work in the desk. I like to envision a target and start creating my tools to hit that target. (This is how I legitimize my habit lol)

I've got this day job where I serve beer to customers in a grocery store. Which sounds fun, and it can be, but corporate ruins all the fun. To not get into that rant and cut this story shorter, I don't really like it. I have to walk away from my own business and planning to do someone else's business and every day as I drive to work I have this internal conversation:

Oh man. This could be the day.

I could quit and turn around.

Devote all of my free time into my own business. Hustle and hustle and make it grow!

That would be a push and a leap into the darkness. I'd have to solely earn enough for bills.

Maybe that's the push I need! 

I bet I could do it! 

However, I never quit and I never turn around and go back. I envision this life where I'm hitting the grindstone every day every hour and I'm constantly working to build my business and become self sufficient and I can feel the energy and excitement and drive! It is completely intoxicating! The whole drive to work I'm drowning in this yearning for that daydream but yesterday I had a second thought. Not one I normally do. 

Why would I have to quit in order to do ALL of that now? 

I realized I'm comfortable with the rate of my growth or success. I was getting a steady paycheck that helped so I wasn't constantly working on myself. I got comfortable and stale. I regressed. THERE'S NOTHING STOPPING ME FROM HITTING THAT GRINDSTONE RIGHT THIS SECOND! I LITERALLY CAN WORK. THAT HARD. RIGHT. NOW! I don't need to quit or be fired from this stupid day job in order do exactly what I was daydreaming. And I've had these moments before, which should be expected, life is a constant struggle. So I had to remind myself that my fear of failing was creating an altered path to get to my destination. I saw a way to get to where I wanted but the steps were impractical. So I had to think of a different route. 

If you're dreaming for a future, break down that path as many ways as you possibly can as many times as you possibly need to. Most of the time, you'll have to tweak your path to get to your destination. "If it aint broke, don't fix it" ...NO! Constantly try and find a better more efficient way to accomplish your life. Don't get comfortable.  

Oak Road's Pseudolus Wit & Lucky Strike Cigarette

           It's been such a minute since I last wrote something that I've forgotten my template on these things. Fingers crossed it's still the same. 

          Moving forward is and should be very exciting, but at the same time it can also be very stressful, exhausting, draining, overbearing, and all other synonyms. I'm sitting at a wooden desk that cost $45 and 3 hours of effort plus a genius to actually build it. Beer glasses set up posts on this young desk, barely 24 hours old and it's been populated by empty containers. Things have a quick rhythm to their spots from the giant sketchpad with design sketches and thumbnails to the external hard drive humming to its own beat. My clipboard is littered with reminders and good morning notes and a crow feather sits atop for good luck. 

If I close my eyes and slow my breathing all sounds of cafe life disappear. The espresso machine stops hissing and humming, the milk stops screaming, chairs stop dragging the floor, bathroom doors stop slamming, excited discussions from patrons fade into the distance. Suddenly it's very quiet. My ears are able to block out the noise but my mind isn't able to block out the thoughts. I'm moving forward and i'm loving every minute of it, but if I thought I was busy before, then I was wrong. As much as i try to live in the moment, I cannot help but to constantly go over what is coming next. Thoughts of future tasks rival thoughts of things forgotten. The fear of failure driving each one to make a higher claim in my brain. Which one wins is not important. The destruction they cause negates any victory. 

My lungs expand to capacity. My body hunches over as air escapes through my mouth. I sigh more than I talk these days. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's just what I say to express what's on my mind. My life reminds me of a newbie stick-shift driver. Having to shift in between gears but not being comfortable yet. I'm switching between different modes of who I am at random times throughout the day. Learning that i don't get days off but rather moments. I'm having to ease the clutch so that there is no hard transition. I constantly force myself to smile and laugh when I don't want to; this is good, though, because it eases into a lighter mood instead of dredging down that burdened path. I'm learning how to occupy my time and not burn out. And it's a struggle but it's a willing struggle. Every night I go home happy because I know I advanced a little. Even if it really is a minuscule amount, I grew today and I will continue to grow. 

To all the people that took a leap and are sitting at home staring at the ground while they holler, "WHY DID YOU DO THIS!?" inside their minds; it gets easier. If you decided to challenge your life then, FUCK YES! You made the right choice no matter what stress you have now. You aren't use to this life and that is always going to be the case. You cannot advance in life if it's something you can comfortably ease into. You have to challenge yourself and push your limits to grow and be what you want yourself to be. So keep pushing on, don't let the stress crush you. Gain experience and tackle it. You don't need to be perfect in the begging. You don't need to be perfect in the end. You simply have to do your best and keep growing. 

Green Tea & A Hunger For Blueberry Waffles

February 20, 2016

               The sunlight dissolves into the room. Some blankets are being tossed about. There are footsteps heading towards the kitchen. Faintly, you can hear the ticking of the stove coming to life, excited to share its dreams with the world. Thirty-two...ish ounces of water get poured into a pot; set to boil. Thousands of fibers get scattered into the atmosphere as tea packets get ripped open and plopped into a jar. Tsssssssssssss! Water's done. The footsteps create a beat to which the old house shakes its moaning body. The creaking of a chair joins in to finish off the symphony of the journey back.

Green tea touches my tongue at just the right temperature that I smile and give myself a tiny pat on the back for the execution. I've been trying to figure out if I am allergic to this house or if there is something outside that effects me only when I'm here. As I sit and sip my tea, and periodically dream about waffles, I began examining my life and the ins and outs from the past few months that I have not stepped aside to examine. I spent a good deal of time reliving those good moments and cracking up at the funny memories. There are plenty of things I would like to have done differently, of course, but that's just the way of life. It was odd looking back when it had been such an amount of time, almost like it was catching up on a tv show that you only caught bits and pieces to. And so a certain phrase popped into my head, "Life is constantly moving forward." I never put a deeper thought into it because I simply took it at face value, but this morning I got a sense of warmth from it. Thinking back to the times the stress took over and I did not know how certain things would get fixed, they all ended up just fine. In fact, in some cases I hadn't even noticed it got better because life had happened so much that it faded away. My point is, if something is weighing you down and causing so much stress that the world will fall apart around your feet...well, it won't. Life will continue on and things will go in whatever direction they go in. At some point, that becomes reassuring.

Orange Juice & Bojangles Cajun Filet Biscuit

December 20, 2015

                 It's approximately 10:20 on a crisp morning in the Not-So-Small-Anymore town of Summerville, South Carolina where I am resting my cold bones by a fire. Richard is meditating in front of the flames. The chemical and physical reactions in our fireplace are the only sounds echoing through the house; this firewood, our only companion, providing us with rhythmic melodies as we adjust to the awakened life. Empty bottles and glasses decorate our tables and floors like a mine field with a precision one could only describe as "drunkenly scattered". There's a few rays of sunlight peeking through the blinds bringing with them the promise of a sunny day.

My brother is still sitting in front of the fireplace. He has not moved for ten minutes. I look around my 15x20 square foot living room; this is my reality. This is my universe. I slightly change my focus and view the scenery as a whole, trying to get all the pieces for my perception. I am grateful for the signs of life throughout my universe. Grateful that people came to my home and lived. I think about how we provided a service, albeit subtly, kind of like vacation where someone leaves behind their own universe to experience yours. They set aside their anchors for a night of living. Whatever worldly forces that weigh them down, cast aside, they are sponges anxiously awaiting to be saturated with life. 

I am grateful to be able to provide others with life. If only for a night. 

Coughie & Huhneigh Bon

December 7, 20-15

                    I had the pleasure of being offered the opportunity of traveling to the Smoky Mountains in North Carolina with the company of my closest brothers. Instantly my fingers started tingling from excitement, The itch to get my hands on a new photo adventure was overloading inside me. After, what seemed like forever, I finally got home and immediately started stacking up the gear I would be taking. All the necessities I might add: whiskey, journal, some cigs, camera, and a beanie. I was ready. 

My buddy zoomed in and we jumped straight into packing and hitting the road. The first part of the trip was pretty standard, jammin to whatever song popped up on the radio, while smoking and enjoying the breeze. After a short period we hit up Chapin to meet the next brother to finish the rest of the drive. With the rest of us finally together, the energy was restored and I felt like a little kid on they way to the family winter vacation. After making a quick and goofy stop to collect supplies for the night, we finally rolled up on our camping spot. 

First off, it was 11pm and about 25 degrees outside. However this isn't the first rodeo we've been on and preparing for this situation was another walk in the park. By no time at all we were sitting by a fire beginning to de-thaw our toes with drinks in our hand ready to calm down after the drive. Much to our disappointment the tent was frozen over and we had a bigger battle at hand: staying warm. The night may have seemed worse in the situation but there have been worse sleeping arrangements. The next day involved a plethora of photos which are in photo gallery under the "Photography" page and then go to "Smokey The Bear". However, the biggest disappointment to me was finding out I accidentally left my Canon 60D in the truck that I rode in, which happened to be over 3 hours away. It was just me and my trusty iPhone 6s at this point. 

Following the mountains we made a stop into Asheville to grab some coffee and finish off with a beer before hitting the road yet again. All in all the weekend was a huge success and despite the cold attack on my body, it was a perfect escape. It would be very therapeutic to camp more often! 

Hope everyone else had such a great weekend as well! 

Some Agua & A Peanut Butter Toast Sandwich

December 2, 2015

           As we get closer to the end of the year I'm reminded of how stressful it can all be for some people. Many people, including me, will look back over everything they've done with the year and start to break down all the time wasted and lack of progress. But I would like to say that it shouldn't be the amount of progress that be valued but progress in a whole. Whether you made a few steps forward, it's progress, whether you managed to stay the same level, that is progress because life will throw curveballs to knock you down, or wether you fell a few times but you're on your way back to health, that's progress too; just never stay down. 

Just try one more time. 

I hope there are many more people that look back over their year with happiness and I hope it's been a blessing to have such a good year. Everyone deserves a year like that. 

So I would like to wish everyone a wonderful holiday season! I will certainly be enjoying the colder weather!