Let’s start this off with a picture:
A redbull sits on the beige circular marble coffee table somewhat stale and not at all enjoyed as much as temptation led on in the grocery store. A plate rests next to it with a small puddle of grease from the overheated pizza my lactose intolerant digestive system tries and fails to conquer. A burning yellow tint is cast over the table reflecting the sunset happening through the windows. The birds are chirping outside. The cat is frantically running around the apartment chasing imaginary monsters. The air smells of plants, the bar in the sunroom explains that, of cleaner that matches the tidiness of the apartment, and a hint of a pineapple chili candle lit several hours before. The clock ticks on the wall counting down the minutes till death.
And that’s what I’m thinking as I sit inside that picture, staring at everything and nothing at all. It’s the fact that we all die. And how often I lose sight of that. How often do you remind yourself you’ll die eventually?
Earlier today I could feel a moment when my brain is about to slip into a funk, which come and go like the slightest change of wind. As I was waiting in line at the ATM i felt this feeling and as you can imagine, was not enthusiastic. I gazed out the window and saw some plants swaying in the wind and sun shining all around. I wondered what this situation would feel like if I weren’t going into a funk. And in the moment I felt myself enjoying the breeze and warmth and the beauty of the color and the brilliance of the weather. I could physically feel my stomach loosen and my shoulders ease. It was a magnificent change! But just like all great things, it was work and not an immediate success.
So as I’m sitting on the couch thinking that we all die, I remember my moment at the ATM today and I feel they’re related. I don’t know why I was slipping into a funk but I didn’t want to stay there and I didn’t want to waste such a day when someday, I’ll be dead.
Hey Caleb, close your eyes and use your senses. You are not dead. You are feeling that sun and that wind and those vibrations from your car speakers. So if I’m having a bad day now, I’ll try to live in that moment around me and not in that funk that’s inside me.