What Keeps You Alive?

What keeps you alive?

What Keeps You Alive?

    Not literally. Although, that is a fascinating question in its own respect. I meant, what keeps you wanting to wake up and tackle life every day? That’s a pretty daunting question, I know. Sometimes that answer changes; hell, I find it’s different almost every day! Allow me to get more specific because I find as I try to formulate my thoughts they come out too broad for proper introspection: 

What thought or feeling or daydream do you catch yourself repeatedly going back to throughout your day that provides that burst of life?

    Can you picture it? Can you see yourself basking in the sunlight, relaxing on the world’s most comfortable reclining lounge chair, habituating that perfect spot next to a crystal clear pool that’s dancing to the breeze, singing birds fill the air space above you, and your whole day is there for the taking? Can you see the progress you’re making on that piece of artwork that blows your breath away every single glance you steal; the one that you can’t wait to finish? Can you feel the controller in your hand of your favorite video game blasting in front you with your closest friends? Can you sense your heart beat increase when you think of the smile on your crush’s face knowing you’re the reason their smile is lighting up the world? Or maybe that alternate life you always wanted to live that’s capable between the pages of a captivating book?

    What is it that keeps you alive? Can you narrow it down to one thing? That’s not easy to do, even for me, I admit it. I’m not even sure it’s worth trying to narrow down since having multiple things that breathe life into your world is a glorious luxury not meant to be questioned. However, I do find it fascinating how often my thoughts sway to reoccurring daydreams that bring me out of a lull, that fill my desire tank with gasoline to ignite the fire of my passions, that make my face hurt from unexpected smiling, that cause my arms to twitch with energy. These dreams have a sense of power; a necessary power. They can keep the aches of sitting in a chair all day at bay, knowing the paycheck you earn is worth the vacation to Universal Studios for a handful of days where you’ll be staying in a resort and being treated like royalty. These thoughts and feelings and dreams taunt us like a donkey with a carrot in front of its face, but that can be a tool to push yourself even harder. I need my imagination to conjure glimpses of future realities because it becomes a goal worth the struggles. Having something to fight for and something to keep me alive is everything; and I remember times when there wasn’t a single thing I could find worthy enough to wake me up.

    Be wary o virtuous traveler! These thoughts, feelings, or daydreams can sap the life out of you just as the sun provides life, so does it melt the wings of Icarus with death. I suggest letting these things fuel your drive to work your ass off and make them a reality, but do not let the dreams of greener grass prevent you from loving every particle of your current situation. It is imperative, and I repeat, IT IS IMPERATIVE to not let moments like this take over your mindset and plague your current life. It is a quick and dangerous slope to loathing your current situation which will seep into your life path making it more and more difficult to get back to happy sunlight. By all means, bask in the future prospects and fight tooth and nail to get there, but lounge with balanced contentment where you are now. 

    So, what keeps you alive?

A Second Americano & Half of a Bagel

There is a statue that reigns over the sea on a far off coast. This statue is familiar with the area having been transported to many different homes throughout its existence. After a rough year in the back of an ally with no sunlight and deep desperation for the acknowledgment and interactions from people of substance, this statue was taken. A local merchant wanted to borrow the statue for a grand opening for his new shop. Now resting close the sea the statue had a new role and found she enjoyed it very much. People passed by her and commented how beautiful she was, locals would come to the shop and always greet the statue while some artist even came to sketch and paint the way the light shone off her stone. 

A year passes and she has moved to the side of the cliff. She now overlooks the coast and all those from the town and sea can see her; and she gets to enjoy the ocean waves splashing up the cliff showering her with blissful water. She loves her new spot but she no longer shines for beauty. She's become so popular that the merchant started using her as a destination. The statue began to hold signs for offers and ads for other merchants, people would now sit while someone painted them next to her; the merchant tried to make money off her any chance he could. She doesn't mind the new difficulties because the merchant has given her such a great location and she feels valuable again.

A couple years pass.

A young boy walks to the side of the cliff and rests in the grass overlooking the shore. The breeze tussles his amber hair and he closes his eyes in appreciation for the weather. He cocks his head to the side and notices a hand sticking out of a pile of rubbish. With curiosity flowing through him like adrenaline he jumps up and trots over to investigate. He finds old banners and signs and hats and jackets all scattered and tossed around. After removing most of it he comes face to face with the statue. She is barely noticeable. The waves she loved so much battered her down after the years, the people she loved so much used her up, the merchant that saved her had turned her into a glorified bulletin board and trash pile. The boy saw only sadness molded into her face and wondered if she used to have a smile. 

Feeling heartbroken, the boy took down all the trash and cleaned up her area. Once he finished they stared at each other for an immeasurable amount of time for words that cannot be spoken were being exchanged. The boy walked up and hugged the statue and whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry we wore you down. It wasn't on purpose but I'm still sorry." 

Oak Road's Pseudolus Wit & Lucky Strike Cigarette

           It's been such a minute since I last wrote something that I've forgotten my template on these things. Fingers crossed it's still the same. 

          Moving forward is and should be very exciting, but at the same time it can also be very stressful, exhausting, draining, overbearing, and all other synonyms. I'm sitting at a wooden desk that cost $45 and 3 hours of effort plus a genius to actually build it. Beer glasses set up posts on this young desk, barely 24 hours old and it's been populated by empty containers. Things have a quick rhythm to their spots from the giant sketchpad with design sketches and thumbnails to the external hard drive humming to its own beat. My clipboard is littered with reminders and good morning notes and a crow feather sits atop for good luck. 

If I close my eyes and slow my breathing all sounds of cafe life disappear. The espresso machine stops hissing and humming, the milk stops screaming, chairs stop dragging the floor, bathroom doors stop slamming, excited discussions from patrons fade into the distance. Suddenly it's very quiet. My ears are able to block out the noise but my mind isn't able to block out the thoughts. I'm moving forward and i'm loving every minute of it, but if I thought I was busy before, then I was wrong. As much as i try to live in the moment, I cannot help but to constantly go over what is coming next. Thoughts of future tasks rival thoughts of things forgotten. The fear of failure driving each one to make a higher claim in my brain. Which one wins is not important. The destruction they cause negates any victory. 

My lungs expand to capacity. My body hunches over as air escapes through my mouth. I sigh more than I talk these days. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's just what I say to express what's on my mind. My life reminds me of a newbie stick-shift driver. Having to shift in between gears but not being comfortable yet. I'm switching between different modes of who I am at random times throughout the day. Learning that i don't get days off but rather moments. I'm having to ease the clutch so that there is no hard transition. I constantly force myself to smile and laugh when I don't want to; this is good, though, because it eases into a lighter mood instead of dredging down that burdened path. I'm learning how to occupy my time and not burn out. And it's a struggle but it's a willing struggle. Every night I go home happy because I know I advanced a little. Even if it really is a minuscule amount, I grew today and I will continue to grow. 

To all the people that took a leap and are sitting at home staring at the ground while they holler, "WHY DID YOU DO THIS!?" inside their minds; it gets easier. If you decided to challenge your life then, FUCK YES! You made the right choice no matter what stress you have now. You aren't use to this life and that is always going to be the case. You cannot advance in life if it's something you can comfortably ease into. You have to challenge yourself and push your limits to grow and be what you want yourself to be. So keep pushing on, don't let the stress crush you. Gain experience and tackle it. You don't need to be perfect in the begging. You don't need to be perfect in the end. You simply have to do your best and keep growing. 

Green Tea & A Hunger For Blueberry Waffles

February 20, 2016

               The sunlight dissolves into the room. Some blankets are being tossed about. There are footsteps heading towards the kitchen. Faintly, you can hear the ticking of the stove coming to life, excited to share its dreams with the world. Thirty-two...ish ounces of water get poured into a pot; set to boil. Thousands of fibers get scattered into the atmosphere as tea packets get ripped open and plopped into a jar. Tsssssssssssss! Water's done. The footsteps create a beat to which the old house shakes its moaning body. The creaking of a chair joins in to finish off the symphony of the journey back.

Green tea touches my tongue at just the right temperature that I smile and give myself a tiny pat on the back for the execution. I've been trying to figure out if I am allergic to this house or if there is something outside that effects me only when I'm here. As I sit and sip my tea, and periodically dream about waffles, I began examining my life and the ins and outs from the past few months that I have not stepped aside to examine. I spent a good deal of time reliving those good moments and cracking up at the funny memories. There are plenty of things I would like to have done differently, of course, but that's just the way of life. It was odd looking back when it had been such an amount of time, almost like it was catching up on a tv show that you only caught bits and pieces to. And so a certain phrase popped into my head, "Life is constantly moving forward." I never put a deeper thought into it because I simply took it at face value, but this morning I got a sense of warmth from it. Thinking back to the times the stress took over and I did not know how certain things would get fixed, they all ended up just fine. In fact, in some cases I hadn't even noticed it got better because life had happened so much that it faded away. My point is, if something is weighing you down and causing so much stress that the world will fall apart around your feet...well, it won't. Life will continue on and things will go in whatever direction they go in. At some point, that becomes reassuring.

Methodical Americano & An Egg Sandwich

January 17, 2016

            It's been a little while since I've posted so thank you for your patience. December is a crazy busy month, not only at my job, but also for designing and artwork. Very soon my days were spent working on making the cut until  christmas, just begging for that familiar feeling of breathing. Alas, the holiday came and went and then so followed New Years. After that the little kids went back to school and the college kids went back to their dorms. Normal life fell back into its monotonous hum of death. That is not to say that I haven't been producing; rest assured that I will never stop creating, no matter how busy.  On New Year's Day, we released a short horror film that we filmed in the beginning of December. It was filmed in a day and went completely off script but it came out so perfectly that we decided to make it a monthly thing. Stay tuned for the next episode of that. After the passing of Bowie I felt the desire to create a print to describe the inspiration he provided for me. That print is now available in my store. He was a great man with a genius mind and may he rest in peace. 

Im currently riding in the car back from a camping trip while Outkast takes us on a different journey altogether and being massaged by the road's conversation with the car. What's better than getting the chance to walk away and clear out your headspace via getting close and dirty with the sexy Mother Nature? That's exactly how it all works for me. I'm coming back with a wonderful distant look at my life and I'm seeing how good things are. What a great motivator to continue to push myself and strive for even better work and production! Thank you to everyone who supports me, it allows me to do what I love every day. 

Orange Juice & Bojangles Cajun Filet Biscuit

December 20, 2015

                 It's approximately 10:20 on a crisp morning in the Not-So-Small-Anymore town of Summerville, South Carolina where I am resting my cold bones by a fire. Richard is meditating in front of the flames. The chemical and physical reactions in our fireplace are the only sounds echoing through the house; this firewood, our only companion, providing us with rhythmic melodies as we adjust to the awakened life. Empty bottles and glasses decorate our tables and floors like a mine field with a precision one could only describe as "drunkenly scattered". There's a few rays of sunlight peeking through the blinds bringing with them the promise of a sunny day.

My brother is still sitting in front of the fireplace. He has not moved for ten minutes. I look around my 15x20 square foot living room; this is my reality. This is my universe. I slightly change my focus and view the scenery as a whole, trying to get all the pieces for my perception. I am grateful for the signs of life throughout my universe. Grateful that people came to my home and lived. I think about how we provided a service, albeit subtly, kind of like vacation where someone leaves behind their own universe to experience yours. They set aside their anchors for a night of living. Whatever worldly forces that weigh them down, cast aside, they are sponges anxiously awaiting to be saturated with life. 

I am grateful to be able to provide others with life. If only for a night. 

Jameson Whiskey With Coke & Stone Milled Grits

November 14, 2015

           It happened to be my birthday on the 11th. So I would like to say thanks to everyone that already knew and said "Happy Birthday"! I had a great day and night out so it was definitely a success. I finally got around to uploading the rest of the Inktober drawings, so you will be able to find those on the "Inktober" page. I'm working on a few new ideas and I'm really trying to focus on them so I follow through and finish them. So if you want to send me motivational emails to let me know I should get off my ass and work on those puppies, then that would be fantastic. 

Looks like the sickness is going around in my town and maybe yours too. Looks like it is the season for that. Try and stay healthy everyone. Wash them hands and wipe them noses! 

I've decided to film a little video at the end of November. So mid December I'll be releasing that to the public. Stay tuned for that beauty because it'll crack you up.  Lots of cool things in the works! Thanks to everyone that supports whatever it is I'm up to, you people kick ass! 

-C